THE death of a loved one by suicide is shared with deep sorrow and anguish. A turmoil of questions flood your mind, while emotions of different degrees build within you.

Grief, mourning and bereavement are deeply personal processes. Each person grieves in their own unique way. Common emotions experienced with grief are: shock, denial, pain, numbness, anger, shame, despair, disbelief, depression, stress, sadness, guilt, rejection, loneliness, abandonment, anxiety.

Barriers to healing are: suicide considered as a taboo, stigmatization as losing their mind, a moral issue without compassion and mercy. The bereaved mourns in silence and alone. For healing to take place, the survivor must be able to mourn his/her loss openly without prejudice and judgment from the society that surrounds him/her.

Research has shown that people who have contemplated suicide do not really want to die. Rather they want to halt the tormenting feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Through their tunnel vision there is only one way out to terminate this grim pain and agony, and that is to end their life. Studies show there are risk factors for suicide; however, these risk factors can be handled with available protective factors like family support, safe community, church, schools, coach/counselor/teacher, and peers that would help allay and balance the risk factors.

The majority of people who are contemplating suicide send clues. It is up to us to identify the red flags and practice our “first aid” through suicide intervention and prevention. If you do not know what to do, call a trusted adult, call 911, stay with your friend at all times until professional help comes.

Suicide on Guam is the fifth leading cause of death; higher than accidents and homicide. Cumulative suicide deaths by age, as percentages of the whole, for Guam 2000 to 2010 were: 20 to 29 (37 percent), 0 to 19 (19 percent), 30 to 39 (21 percent), 40 to 49(13 percent), 50 to 59 (7 percent), 60 and above (3 percent). Source: Chief Medical Examiner and Department of Public Health and Social Services, Vital Statistics.

Yes, your loved one has died from suicide. What can you do to pick up the pieces? Be kind and gentle to yourself. Grief and sorrow have no time capsule. Avoid people who advise you to just get over it. Shun people who downplay your story. Mourning, reconciliation and healing from your grief is very challenging and involves a lot of hard work. Special days like birthdays, holidays and anniversaries will trigger and stir emotions of different magnitude.

Some days will be felt with a turbulence of emotions and can become overwhelming, and other days may be filled with good happy memories.

It is up to you to feel either apathetic, and scorn the world for what has happened, or else to build up healthy ways of healing. Seeking professional help, having a trusted friend that listens with empathy, a spiritual adviser, a therapist, reading self-help books, or joining support groups can bring comfort and calmness in your journey.

The choice is yours. You are in charge.

With advocacy, awareness, prevention and intervention suicide education programs, we can reduce the risk of suicide – and yes we can save lives.

Saving lives begins with each of us!

Please come and join the 8th Annual LifeWorks Guam Suicide Awareness Candlelight Vigil Walk, Sta. Teresita Church, Mangilao on Sept. 22. Pre-registration is at Mark’s Sporting Goods, Tamuning, and the Sta. Teresita Church.

For more information, contact Marie Virata Halloran: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ; Frances Ysrael: 649-8020; Sera Taitano: 472-6961; Laling Hightower: 888-3796; or Kevin Delgado: 689-6231.

Marie Virata Halloran,
RN, Grief Recovery Specialist
Tamuning